Benadryl

Written by April Shetler.

This poem is about an experience I had in high school. It was when my boyfriend at the time attempted to overdose using vodka and Benadryl. It was a really impactful experience for me. I think this poem really speaks to the realities of what the people in your life go through when actions like these are taken.

I remember when the paramedics showed up to his house, they asked me if I had any idea as to what he might’ve taken. I was there, just seventeen years old, knowing he had access to and could have taken a number of things: cocaine, LSD, MDMA, oxycodone, marijuana, alcohol, and even fentanyl. It was truly terrifying knowing someone I loved could have taken any number of those drugs or even any number of these drugs in combination with one another. Ultimately, he ended up using a combination of Benadryl and alcohol, and it left him hospitalized for four days. This just goes to show the dangers of the misuse of even common over-the-counter medications.

The end of this poem shows my now ex-boyfriend and I's relationship today. The way we’ll randomly text each other asking about songs and whatnot. I think this speaks truth to the idea that even after some of the darkest times of your life, life goes on. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and there will be more to your story.

Hey, are you there?

Hey, are you okay?

What’s going on?

Hello??

Can you confirm he is alive and needs help?

Can you put your hands in the air for me?

Do you have any idea what he might’ve taken?

If I tell you, is he gonna get in trouble?

Can I see him?

What’s gonna happen to him?

Is this gonna have lasting effects on him?

What day is it?

Where am I?

Who are you?

Where is this place?

What time is it?

Who am I?

So, when do you get out?

Can you feed my cat for me?

Seriously? They wouldn’t let you keep your clothes?

Does my mom know about all this?

Are you excited to be back at home?

Why did you bother saving me?

Did you seriously think there was a world where I wouldn’t?

Couldn’t you just let me make one decision for myself?

You expect me to just let you die?

Hey, how have you been?

What’s the name of that song you showed me?

Can you promise to call me if you need anything?

For suicide prevention resources in Ventura County, visit Positive Paths - Preventing Suicide. For mental health & wellness resources, visit Wellness Every Day.